Why the "Girls love assholes" mentality is wrong:

*I didn't write this, just found it a few weeks ago, couldn't have said it better though... 

     I hate the “Girls only like assholes, not nice guys like me.” mentality. A woman doesn’t wake up one morning and say, “Hmmm, I think I’ll go try to find an asshole to date today.” Often times we’ll date someone who turns into an asshole, but it’s not like we consciously go looking for him, and the same thing happens to men. All of us have a “crazy ex” or two or three or ten, regardless of our gender - but women get blamed for having poor taste in men, while men get to sidestep the blame by playing the “she-was-a-crazy-bitch” card. The belief that “nice guys finish last” is detrimental to women because it suggests that not only do women desire to be mistreated in a relationship, but they’re asking for it. It’s a sexist attitude that insults women by implying that we are poor decision-makers when it comes to choosing partners, simply because said partner isn’t the one that Mr. “Nice Guy” would have chosen for us. Mr. Nice Guy, however, isn’t actually concerned with his female friend’s emotional well-being in a given relationship, and he doesn’t truly want her to pick a partner who is best for her. What he wants is for her to choose him, Mr. “Nice Guy” himself, because he’s better than everyone.** “Boyfriend beating you up? You asked for it, you need to stop dating assholes.” This is a easy way for Mr. “Nice Guy” to place blame on the woman instead of examining himself and his shortcomings to figure out why she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings for her.

     Us ladies - like most guys - enjoy the thrill of “The Chase” involved in courting at the beginning of a potential relationship. We like having to work, at least a little bit, to get his attention. So-called “Nice Guys” (referred to as NGs for the rest of this post) are often overbearing right from the start, giving their beloved ladyfriend nearly no space and essentially scaring her off by texting/calling too often, pressuring her to hang out even after she declines, Facebook messaging her constantly, etc. Even if I like his personality a lot, I’ll hold a NG at arm’s length if I feel like my space is being invaded. And nothing will land Mr. NG in the “Friend Zone” quicker than blowing up my phone repeatedly after I have repeatedly ignored his messages because, clearly, I’m busy. Of course, Mr. NG isn’t doing anything wrong per say, he’s just trying to show that he’s interested and be friendly. But as far as The Chase goes, girls want some element of surprise. Yes, it may seem shallow, but it’s the truth, at least in my case. Not knowing when a guy is going to ask you to hang out, or receiving an unanticipated compliment from him, is exciting because you’re not expecting it. But when his actions are repetitive and make it clear that he has nothing better to do but creep on your Facebook profile, they become turn-offs. A sweet text message loses its sweetness when it’s the 32nd one she’s received from you today. This is the reason us girls are often more attracted to the guy who isn’t constantly reminding us he’s available. Of course, he sometimes does turn out to be an asshole, but we go after him initially because he isn’t predictable. The elements of surprise and uncertainty - in the right amounts, of course - are what spark chemistry and give me those pesky butterflies in my stomach.   

     As far as the “Friend Zone” goes, look at it like this: Think of your best platonic female friend. Why is she your friend instead of your lover? Because she just…is. Why don’t you want a romantic relationship with her? Because you just…don’t. You’re just not attracted to her in that way, and it’s not because of anything she’s done wrong, it’s because you simply don’t have romantic feelings for her. The same thing applies when a girl puts a NG in the Friend Zone. It’s not because he’s done something wrong, and it’s not because she wants to date an asshole - nobody wants to date an asshole. You’re in the Friend Zone because she’s just not that into you, bro - romantically speaking, of course. She may end up dating a guy who you think is an asshole, but uh, you might be just a teensy bit biased because, you know, he’s banging her and you aren’t. There’s also a chance that he may legitimately be an asshole, but in this case she either:

a.) doesn’t notice this because she’s blinded by her infatuation with him. Or his six-pack.

-OR-

b.) he puts on the NG act at the beginning of the relationship and doesn’t show his true colors until later, when she’s emotionally invested enough in the relationship that she doesn’t feel comfortable just ending it the instant things go wrong.

     The “Girls <3 Assholes” mentality is a way for pseudo-NGs to re-inflate their egos after being shot down by a girl they like. Instead of looking into themselves and changing their behavior, or just getting the fuck over it, they find an external target for their anger at being rejected: the woman. Of course, maybe you really are a NG and she really is dating a complete douche. But you know what? On the other hand, maybe you smell. Like, bad. Maybe your grammar sucks. Maybe you play World of Warcraft 40 hours a week instead of doing something productive like going to school or oh, I dunno, working? But whether you’re brilliant and sexy or rude and rocking a mullet, putting the girl of your dreams down for not being as in love with you as you are with yourself doesn’t make you a Nice Guy at all…it makes you an asshole.
     However, there’s a fair chance that you really are a nice guy, and if that’s the case, then you should be happy for your friend because she’s found someone who makes her happy. Then, you should go find someone who appreciates all of your redeeming NG qualities instead of wasting your time pouting over a girl who doesn’t realize how awesome you are. That’s just lame. If you go around claiming that all women want to date jackasses, you’re making a sweeping (and incorrect) assumption that makes you look like, well, a jackass.

   So listen up, ladies and gents, ‘cause I’m about to drop some truth on y’all: The truth is, sexist assholes finish last. The real Nice Guys are the ones trying to figure out what she wants, instead of whining because they didn’t get what they want…and let me tell you, legit Nice Guys always finish first, if you catch my drift…